happy, happy, happy day!

yippee, hooray, woohoo, and any other joyful exclamations you can think of! i received my referral today for the most beautiful little angel i’ve ever seen! 🙂 so now i can finally tell you some more details about mati (since i now know them myself!): she’s about a year old, though i’m told she’s a little malnourished so she’s more the size of a 6-9 month old. she’s from a pretty remote and very impoverished area of ethiopia, which explains some of the malnourishment. now that she’s at the children’s home, she should be getting good nutrition, and hopefully she’ll catch up on some of her weight and development. other than being small, she’s apparently nice and healthy. ooh, and her birth name is Enat, which means “mama” or “mother” in amharic (ethiopian language), “fountain or spring” in hebrew, and “little fire” in gaelic. i’ll probably keep Enat as her middle name, so for now we’re looking at Matani Enat Heller. 🙂

so actually, sue (adoption agency director) sent me pictures of her a couple of days ago, but was still waiting for her medical report, which meant she wasn’t able to make an official referral (and i wasn’t allowed to say anything) until today. i know it’s possible that i’m a little biased, but i just have to say that she’s soooooooo beautiful!! i mean, really breathtaking! unfortunately, i’m not allowed to post pictures publicly online, but i’ll be carrying them around with me, so whenever you see me i can show you them. if you won’t be seeing me anytime soon and you’re desperate to see her, send me an email (lil_india_girl@yahoo.com) and we’ll figure out another way for you to see them. sue also put a video of her in the mail to me yesterday, and i’m just dying for it to make it’s way through snail mail and into my mailbox!

they’re hoping to have all the paperwork for my case submitted to court next week, and then i just have to wait for a court date. sue is guessing that my court date will be in june, but i’m hoping and praying for a date in may instead, which would probably allow me to travel in july and then still have some summer vacation time left before starting work again in august. oh, and after my case is approved in court (which means she’s legally mine!), i can post all the pictures i want. 🙂

so yes, i’ve felt like i was walking on air today…but ohhhhhh, how i just want to cuddle her into my arms right now! can i manage to wait another 3+ months? i suppose i don’t really have a choice. and i guess there’s probably plenty for me to do in the meantime. now that i know how old she is, i can really set up her room! i need to get a crib…anyone have one that they want to loan or sell to me? 🙂 and perhaps i’ll paint her room. ooh, and i’ll need to get clothes and toys and fun stuff like that!

financially, i’m still working up to the final amount, but God has been so faithful, and i know He will continue to provide! i just applied for a couple of grants recently, and i’ll probably apply for a loan or 2 this weekend. one nice thing about her being only a year old is that i won’t have to pay full price for her ticket home. yay for small blessings!

alrighty, it’s getting late and my brain is starting to shut down, so i’m going to sign off and go hold my little one in my dreams. maybe the God who holds his beloved ones in His arms (Deuteronomy 33:12) will let Mati feel her mommy’s arms around her tonight. i love you already, my Mati!

 

newest semi-news

Haven’t heard anything big this week, but it looks like Ethiopia decided to hold off on requiring adoptive parents to make that second trip to Ethiopia. That’s good news for me, as it will save a lot of money and time! Still hoping and praying to receive a referral soon. Perhaps next week? That’s become my mantra at the end of each week now: maybe next week… 🙂 Regardless, I know that I can trust in the goodness of the Lord and His timing. So while my heart aches to hold my little one, I rest in the knowledge that He’s holding her tightly in His own arms for now. Deuteronomy 33;12

 

prayer!

Alright, I’m writing to ask all of you to pray for what I believe would basically amount to a miracle. The Ethiopian government had a meeting with their adoption agency representatives today and decided that all adoption cases submitted to court before April 7th will not have to travel to be there for the court date (meaning those adoptive parents will only have to make one trip to Ethiopia: to pick up their child). So I’m asking you to pray with me that in the next 3 1/2 weeks, I’ll receive a referral and that it will be submitted to the Ethiopian court before April 7th. Like I said, I think this would take a miracle, but we serve a miracle-working God, right? So let’s pray and see what happens! 🙂

 

moving on up!

I found out today that I’m now number 4 on the waiting list. Woohoo! I’m gradually creeping closer to the top. 🙂 And since I told them I’m open to a child up to the age of 3 years old, while some of the others on the list are only interested in infants, it’s possible that I could get a child even sooner if a toddler is available that is too old for those ahead of me. Praying and praying that God will bring along the exact little girl whom He has set aside for me. And praying that will happen soon!

In other news (not quite as happy), it sounds like Ethiopia has just changed their policy to require that adoptive parents travel to be in court on the day an Ethiopian judge hears the case for the adoption. This is the day that the adoption is legally finalized as far as Ethiopia is concerned, but it takes another approximately 2 months after that for the US Embassy to do their own investigation in order to grant their approval. I can’t bring her home until the US Embassy gives their approval. So basically what this means is that I would have to travel to Ethiopia twice. I would be able to meet her and love on her when I go for court, but then I would have to leave her there, still in the orphanage, and go home until I the US Embassy sets my appointment with them about 8 weeks later. That just sounds heartbreaking! It also would be very expensive: about $3000-$6000 more. Ugh! So that’s another thing for me to pray and trust God about.

Despite that less than hoped for news, I find I’m too excited about perhaps getting a referral and seeing a real picture of Mati for the first time to really care too much about anything else. It makes my heart happy to think about it. 🙂

 

fun and pretty

i went shopping with my sis-in-law today. I was taking her out for her birthday and also so we could just catch up. it’d been a long time since we last hung out. we had a really wonderful time, and i think it was a good birthday gift. only one problem: i spent more on myself than i did on her! ok…not exactly on myself. apparently i really do act like i’m pregnant in some ways. i’m nesting. louisa was buying scrapbooking stuff to finish up micah’s baby book, and we found that jo-ann’s was having a 40-50% sale on pretty much all of their scrapbooking supplies. woohoo! i’ve been meaning to start a journal or scrapbook or something to start documenting this journey for mati. so, i bought a scrapbook. well, actually 2 of them. but it was a 2-pack and they’re sooooo cute, and they were 50% off after all. 🙂 of course, after buying the scrapbooks, i had to buy some fun paper, stickers, pens, and acid-free tape. it was not a cheap venture, over all, but a rewardingly beautiful one. i’m excited about having a way to document this adventure. to preserve my memories for mati. to preserve our memories.

in other news, i received my I-171H form from US Customs and Immigration. this is kinda like the pre-approval for mati’s visa. it’s a really big step, and something that many families end up waiting on for it to come through. i wasn’t expecting it for another couple of months, so it was a great surprise to find it sitting in my mailbox last week! my dossier has also made it through the US State Department and the Ethiopian Embassy, getting all of the needed stamps and signatures, and has finally made it into CCI’s office in florida. that means i’m officially on their waiting list, and now i just get to sit and wait for a little while until the exciting day when they send me a picture and information on a little girl who’s waiting for me to come get her. 🙂

 

It’s finished!

My dossier is complete and in the mail (let there be great rejoicing in the land!), on it’s way to Washington DC to receive a stamp each from the US State Department and Ethiopian Embassy. After that they’ll send it to the adoption agency, who will forward it on to Ethiopia. Woohoo! It’s so wonderful to have it finished and out of my hands, though I have to admit to some trepidation at handing that priceless document over to FedEx and trusting them to deliver it safely. Praying it gets there safely and quickly! And also praying it has no hiccups there in DC.

In other (still pretty exciting) news: I would consider my garage sale on Saturday a success! I made about $570, which isn’t too shabby for one morning’s work. Many, many thanks go out to those who donated their stuff. Huge thanks must also be directed to my amazing mother, who spent 5 hours helping me organize on Friday night and 6 hours helping me on Saturday morning, all while miserably sick with a nasty flu. Thanks also to Jenni, for also coming to help out on Friday…without you, that TV would either still be sitting upstairs, or would be in a million pieces at the bottom of the stairs. 🙂

So now I’m back to “hurry up and wait.” At the moment there’s really nothing I can do to hurry along the process, so I’ll just continue life as usual and pray for God to work quickly and bring her home soon. Thanks for all your continuing prayers!

 

Home Study is here!

Hooray!! My home study report finally arrived Tuesday afternoon, so I spent my hours after work yesterday getting my dossier all put together and ready to go. I finally scanned the 40 pages onto the computer last night and emailed it to the adoption agency for them to check before I get the final Seals (AZ State, US Govt, and Ethiopian Embassy) needed to “authenticate” the dossier. Exciting! I’m hoping and praying that everything is correct and that I won’t have to fix anything before sending it on its way.

Coming up this weekend, I have my garage sale on Saturday morning. Several people have been so generous and have donated great stuff to the sale. Praying that God will use this to bring in lots more money for Mattie!

It’s only the middle of this crazy and busy week, but I think it will all be worth it when it’s over.

 

woohoo!!

the first half of today was pretty rough. a kid at the school where i work as a nurse fell, hit his head, blacked out, said he couldn’t move his arms and legs, and bought himself a trip to the emergency room in the back of an ambulance. he was already recovering some by the time they loaded him into the ambulance, so i think he’s going to be fine, but it made for a very busy chunk of a very busy day. i still have more paperwork to finish when i get to work tomorrow. bleah! i left work exhausted.

at about 6:00, i reached into my mailbox and pulled out an envelope from the Pinal County Attorney’s office, and the whole tone of my day changed. it was my court approval letter! they’ve decided that i’m fit to be an adoptive mother, and my Home Study will be mailed to me tomorrow, which means my dossier can be on it’s way next week. yippeeeee!!!!

 

selfish beings and a jealous God.

i had the opportunity to examine my own selfishness last night.

i’ve been a little bit sick for the last several days, but last night it hit me like a freight train. i lay on my couch, feeling the tentacles of illness wrap themselves around my throat and lungs, stealing voice and breath, and seeming to invite an entire marching band to perform inside my pounding head. as i lay groaning pathetically in my misery, wishing my mom was there to take care of me, i realized that i was momentarily glad that matani wasn’t here for me to have to take care of while i was feeling so horrible. i know that it’s a completely natural reaction, and that no one would blame me for feeling that way. indeed, i imagine that most mothers can completely relate, and have possibly even wished for such moments when they themselves felt the grip of sickness. last night i was feeling far too sorry for myself to really examine the implications of my thoughts, so i just went to bed, grateful for the peace and quiet that, for now, reigns almost constantly in my house.

i woke up feeling a little bit better this morning, and with the energy to be more thoughtful and contemplative. so i’ve been thinking over my response to my misery last night in terms of the full reality of how things are, and also in terms of how God might respond. i’m still pondering and processing as i write this morning, so my thoughts may seem disjointed and incomplete.

first, i realized that even though the selfish, very human part of me was glad to be free from motherly responsibility last night, the part of me that is already mother to matani and completely in love with her disagrees vehemently. that part of me would suffer the misery of last night a thousand times over if it meant i could have her home and in my arms right now, even if it meant dealing with crying, tantrums, and a runny nose other than my own. and as i remember my longing last night to have my own mother there to take care of me, i think of my little girl feeling the same way, thousands of miles away from me. i’m a grown woman and can surely handle being sick for a couple days without my mom to wipe my forehead, but a child should never have to experience that. every child should be able to have their mommy cuddling them and doting on them when they’re sick. especially mine. soon she will, but i wish with all my heart that she already did.

the other thing i’ve been pondering this morning is how all of this relates to God. i firmly believe that we are made in the image of God, and that our deepest thoughts, feelings, longings somehow reflect a part of who He is, and what He feels for us. as i sit here, i’m remembering Jesus’s words while hanging on the cross. hanging from nail-pierced hands and feet. 4 inch thorns pressed into his brow. raw flesh on his back pressed against the splintered wood of the wooden beam, the whip having removed most of the skin which would have provided any protection from the rough wood. and as he hung there, in more misery and pain that i will ever be able to comprehend, his thoughts were of me. of you. of the ones He loved so much, who had betrayed Him so fully with their sin. and he loved me. you. He forgave. “Father, forgive them…” yes, my sin put Him there on the cross. so did yours. and it was all worth it to Him. He knew that this was the price of our adoption as His children, and He gave it freely.

at church on wednesday night, we talked about God being jealous for us. jealousy has come to have a negative connotation most of the time. but the Bible tells us that God is a jealous god (Exodus 34:14, Deuteronomy 4:23-24, Zechariah 8:2), which means that there must be something good and right and holy about it. He is a God who is so jealous for my affections that he will fight tooth and nail for me when sin threatens to come between us. who will give His life to redeem me from the clutches of the evil task-master to whom i am enslaved. who loves me and pursues me and fights for me, even when i willingly go back into the cruel arms of the enemy who holds me captive. this is the furious longing of God. His furious and incomprehensible love for me. and for you. and for matani. perhaps as i spend more time basking in this unfathomable love (Romans 8:38-39), my own selfishness will begin to melt away. i hope so.

 

small bit of news

i got an email from the Home Study agency yesterday. they had contacted the Pinal County court for me to find out how my home study report was doing there and what the ETA on approval was from them. the court is running a little behind, it seems, and they estimated another week or 2 before the judge takes a look at my paperwork. i’m really praying to get it back by next week so i can send all of this in. want to pray with me? love you guys!